i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
