is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
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