no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
