So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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