I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
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