I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
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