Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
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