oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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