Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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