Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
