Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
