I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
