Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
