I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
