this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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