upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
