you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
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