She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
