I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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