remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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