So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Randomize
