I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
