remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
