Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Randomize
