He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
