i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize