Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
My feet surprised me
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
