Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
