Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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