let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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