its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
