T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
