I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
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