my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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