a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize