Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Operation Purity has been aborted
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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