You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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