zippers are such a cool invention
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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