She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
