I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
