you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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