I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Mom said you looked used
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize