as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Randomize
