found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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