WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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