so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
