He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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