I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Randomize