Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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