i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Randomize