yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
