just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
