You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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