i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
im holly from the hills drunk
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
