Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
