it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
