Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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