end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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