im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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