I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
