I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
