fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
