well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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