If i come over, it means nothing
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
