Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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