his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
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