I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. š
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
And, by āmake you dinnerā I mean āhave lots of sex and multiple orgasms.ā So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
He was all āplease donāt bail because Iām missing work for thisā last night
Honey no, I need dick. Iām not going to bail
Randomize
