yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
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