I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
