It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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