you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
