last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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