3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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