worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize