in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
