I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize