No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize