I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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