i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
