yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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