Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
