PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
