Who did Billy Mays play for?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Randomize
