The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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