i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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