I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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