everyone is single if you try hard enough
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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