I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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