You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Randomize