i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize