Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
