You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
